This was advice I had originally heard from a friend. She offered it to me as I was seeing myself through a difficult life experience. I didn’t know what she meant at the time. But through several years of self-growth, I can say that I now understand.
I had to ask myself, ‘What does ‘bitter’ look like, and why am I feeling this way?’
At the time, I was going through a sudden marital separation, and I didn’t really understand why. What had I done wrong? I felt like a failure. I felt like a victim to my circumstance. I felt sad and I needed to blame someone for it, so I blamed him.
Fast-forward through the years up to now. I am on the other side of bitter — I am better. And I like this side so much more! I have come away from the need to blame and the hurt feelings and the grief. I have learned where my own faults occurred in our past relationship. I have learned to take care of myself and love myself. And I can answer the question, ‘What does ‘better’ look like?’.
‘Better’ highlights the positives we want to feel by accepting the negatives we have experienced.
Many situations are beyond our control. We are unable to control what others think and do, and we have a small window of control on most external events. However, we do have the opportunity to learn to control what we say and what we think. Our personal responses or reactions are our own responsibility, and we have unlimited control on internal thoughts and resulting actions.
This concept is about intention.
What intention are you bringing to your situation? Is it positive or negative? Can it change into something constructive?
Determine what is wrong that causes your unhappiness. Start with a list of the problems and issues that are currently bothering you. What thoughts or feelings can you become aware of? What is your responsibility in this issue? What is in your control in this particular situation? What helpful action can you take to help resolve a situation without undermining another person?
Imagine a picture in your mind of the person you would love to become — the thoughts you would like to think, the feelings you would want to feel, and the behaviors you would like to demonstrate to others.
Learn to control the controllable (you) and let go of what you cannot control (everything else).
Everyone faces challenges in life. Holding onto grief can paralyze your process. Allow any pain that you feel to reveal the parts of you that are in need of healing, the parts of you that need some attention. If you let it, this pain can actually restore these neglected parts of you back to life.
Find those persons who you feel you can trust with your pain and vulnerability. When we can share with others, we open ourselves up to new ideas, new experiences, and new solutions.
We can make a choice in our struggles — to be bitter, or to become better. We can take the opportunity to learn what we feel in a situation, what our responsibility is, and what we need to help resolve an issue.
We might not always understand why things are the way they are.
In the moments that we can surrender and allow things to just be, that is a moment when we can feel restored to balance and can find a peaceful mind.
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